Marriage and FamilyGod’s Design
Marriage, part 3 of 5

Marriage: Eph. 5

The Part

Submission. But not what you are thinking.

What is more important; Submission or Service?

The most quoted and what I believe to be the most misunderstood passage on marriage is found in Paul’s letter to the Ephesians.

  • Did you know that the Bible never commands a woman to love or obey her husband?
  • Scripture never pictures a wife as a doormat.


EPHESIANS 5
21 And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
22 For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord.
23 For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church.
24 As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything.
25 For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her
26 to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word.
27 He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault.
28 In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself.
29 No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church.
30 And we are members of his body.
31 As the Scriptures say, “A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.”
32 This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one.
33 So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

Paul addresses at least 4 key ideas in the Ephesians 5:21-33 passage.

  1. First is submission one to another in the fear of the Lord. The motivation for support is out of respect and reverence for Jesus. The mutual submission we are called to do does not supersede the role’s men and women are called into.
  2. Second is the voluntary submission of the wife to the headship of her husband. This does not negate the fact that we are all equal as image bearers. Rather it is an appeal to submit to God’s ordained order. The submission is voluntary. Man does not have the authority to enforce this submission. God does not see women as unequal or subordinate. The submission is asked for because of reverence to Him. There is no Scripture that calls for man putting/forcing his wife into submission.
  3. Third is the analogy of a husband’s love for his wife compared with Christ’s love for the church. Just as Jesus gave Himself to cleanse and purify the church, the husband is to give himself to his wife so their marriage will be clean and pure. What does it mean to give of ourselves? I have read many books on what constitutes a successful marriage. They all put forth formulas and strategies that “will” create a healthy and lasting relationship. Yet none settle upon the truth that I believe is the foundation and the framework that Paul is eluding to in this passage. Husbands are called to serve. Husbands are called to sacrifice. Not just when they feel like it. Not with the expectation of receiving something in return. But men are called to serve always. WE ARE CALLED TO SERVE. PERIOD. FULL STOP. END OF THE CONVERSATION. Quite whining about it and get on with it.
  4. Fourth is Paul’s emphasis on the husband’s love for his wife and the wife’s respect for the husband. This love a husband has for his wife is illustrated with the verbs feed and care. Paul uses this language to convey the nurture and comfort a husband should give to his wife. A man will demonstrate his love for his wife by nourishing and cherishing (feeding and caring for) her.
  • What does it mean to cherish something? To cherish something is to place great value upon it. Many times an object that is cherished has a worth that cannot have a value placed on it. It’s irreplaceable. So because it is irreplaceable and of great monetary or sentimental value, you take great care with it. The Greek words used here for nourish (feed) and cherish (care) are Ektrepho and Thalpo, which literally means to “bring up to maturity” and to “tenderly care”.
  • No there is nothing wrong in cherishing an object, a person, an activity, or anything else that we derive pleasure from. The problem comes when we place these “things” before our wife. She needs to know that you cherish her before all others. That you place great value upon her life and the relationship that you share together.
  • If someone were to ask your wife what you cherished most in life, what would the answer be? Would it be time spent following your favorite sport? Or maybe some hobby that consumes your weekends and vacations.
  • This is the only time in the NT that these word’s nourish and cherish are used. And in this context they are used to describe the way Jesus cares for the Church (for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, because we are members of His body).
  • If a wife is nourished and cherished she will respect and submit to her husband.


CONCEPT OF LOVE
Verse 25 encourages husbands to go on loving their wives just as Christ loved the Church. It’s a present active imperative. The verb is God-like love, agape. The wife’s duty is to submit. The husband’s duty is to love.

As defined in this passage, Love is:

  1. Sacrificial – giving to death (v25)
  2. Purifying – love cleanses (v26-27)
  3. Caring – as you care for your own body (v28-29)
  4. Unbreakable – the two are united. Both spouses must sever all other loyalties and form a new alliance with each other. There must never be a greater loyalty to anyone else (v30-31)
  5. Spiritual – in the Lord (v32-33)

It is this concept of sacrificial love that I see missing in many marriages. It’s not until you examine the characteristics of love that is found in 1 Corinthians 13 that you realize just how “screwed-up” many of us are when it comes to showing love.