The Setting
Sharon, a mother of three hurriedly scrambles each afternoon to pick up the house for the umpteenth time that day. Why? Because she knows her husband John expects a clean house when he walks in the door after a long day at work. After all, John knows it’s not his place to do it. He has been doing his job all day.
It’s 5:00 and Karen gets a call from Stuart informing her that he will be late getting home. He needs to entertain some out of town guests that night for dinner. It wouldn’t be so bad, but this seems to happen almost every week. Stuart gets aggravated when confronted about it, after all, its just part of his job.
Emily is so looking forward to Saturday and doing something as a family, but Randy has other plans. It’s October and his college team is playing that afternoon. Chris from work has invited all the guys over to watch it on the big screen. Emily needs to understand that this is a very important game and he can’t afford to miss it.
Lisa is so tired of the golf outings. It seems every weekend Peter is spending it at the club. Not only does it take away from time together as a family, but it’s also costing them a small fortune in green fees. Peter thinks Lisa should understand that this is the only way he has to unwind and work off stress.
Ron and Kim are at dinner with two other couples from Sunday school. Ron begins picking at Kim’s cooking in front of the other couples. Kim politely asks him to stop, but hey, Ron is just kidding. Can’t Kim take a joke?
It’s only been two months since Renee, a “stay at home” mom, gave birth to her second son Adam, but her husband Scott, thinks the weight should have come off by now. He tells Renee that “Kathy”, a woman at Scott’s office, has already lost all her pregnancy weight and is looking great. Scott sees Kathy at the gym everyday so he knows!
The names in these examples have been changed to protect the stupid.
- Can any of you relate to these examples?
- What is the common thread running through each of them?
MARRIAGE DESTROYER?
Un-fulfillment, developed over time destroys most marriages. I would dare say that most of us, at some point in time, have had this thought; “This is not what I had planned on.” We realize that the expectations we had going into marriage are not being realized. We are then forced to make a conscious decision; “Do I change my expectations and become a realist, or do I try to change things (him or her).
If we lessen our expectations, we begin to think that we are settling for something other than our ideal. In essence, we martyr our expectations. Over time, we develop an indifferent attitude toward our spouse and the relationship. We just don’t care anymore. We begin to search out fulfillment in other places; kids, career, hobbies, etc. Before we realize it, the relationship that started out so promising, has become a prison, trapping us inside.
As long as the focus is on “me”, marriage will always be unfulfilling. Jesus taught that the greatest thing that we can do is love God and those around us (more than ourself):
MATTHEW 22
36 “Teacher, which is the most important commandment in the law of Moses?”
37 Jesus replied, “‘You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.’
38 This is the first and greatest commandment.
39 A second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’
40 The entire law and all the demands of the prophets are based on these two commandments.”
We call ourselves Christian men committed to a godly marriage, yet we have no idea what God has called us to be. Most marriage seminars and books on relationships deal with the symptoms of a marriage gone bad. They fall short in that they never address the root cause of the problem; “selfishness”. We spend most of our life chasing after an “illusion of life” that we think will make us happy; never realizing that what we are chasing can never be caught. Society conditions us to do this; commercials, the media, romance novels, and magazines portray a life that is an illusion, a picture. We are convinced that the home where we live, car we drive, shampoo we use, clothes we wear, food we eat, place where we shop, and even who we spend our life with, will bring happiness and contentment (after all I deserve it). But,contentment and fulfillment are always just out of reach. “If only” becomes our greatest excuse. But things can never satisfy the soul.
MARRIAGE REDEEMER!
Three basic points are brought out in the New Testament, which lead to a strong and successful marriage–just three. It sounds simplistic, but that’s all there is. But if applied, these three points really do lead a couple to experience the joy of a godly marriage. Two of these three points are found in Ephesians 5 (with definition provided in 1 Corinthians 13) and one is found in 1 Corinthians 7.
- A husband should serve and lay down his life for his wife.
- A husband should love his wife (see 1 Cor 13 for definition of love).
- Don’t deprive each other in the marriage bed (1 Cor 7).
The pages on this website are my attempt to document how these truths have found “footing” in my life and marriage. I would also warn you that these principles and truths are meant be to applied by Christians in a Christ-centered marriage (as some of them run counter to the cultural norms of today).